Tag Archives: #ivfstimming

Today I Put the Iron in the Pantry

I am losing my mind people.  Had an appointment this morning and here’s the message I sent to a couple of my pals after:

Hey my IF expert friends,

So I’m officially neurotic and jacked up on hormones.  Appointment this morning went…I don’t know.  I’m attaching a screen shot of the u/s results from today and last Saturday but I’m just feeling paranoid that they aren’t good enough — haven’t grown enough since Saturday, aren’t big enough, not enough of them, not enough of them big enough.
 
I joked with [Hubs] that maybe I’m trying to be an ovaryachiever (get it?) but honestly I’m having trouble discerning whether that’s the case or it really doesn’t look that fantastic.  I realize it doesn’t look bad per se but, I don’t know, maybe the paranoia and pressure of it all is just setting in.
 
I’m waiting to hear about my estradiol and progesterone but for now we’re slated for another u/s Wednesday morning, tentative retrieval Friday.  That could change to an u/s tomorrow for another look to schedule retrieval Thursday or Friday.  Meds are all staying the same.
 
Any thoughts?  Am I doomed for two eggs at retrieval, only 80% of which will be mature?  Do I need to be talked off the ledge?
 
Thanks,
your needy neurotic pal

They both did, in fact, write and call back and talk me off the ledge and through some deep breathing, which helped.  They also both reminded me that we’re going for quality over quantity which I totally agree with, I’m just suddenly having this fear that the follicles are going to get stuck in their growth and we will only have, like, two quality and worthy of retrieving.  I really have no indication of that, it is likely my RE just wants to give them more time to grow and let them do their thing.  I was totally reading into her every word choice, tone, and facial expression, which Hubs interpreted completely differently and entirely more rationally.  I am practicing the self-talk mantra “I am doing my part” today.

Speaking of losing my mind and my little part in this all, I’ve forgotten two and a half times now to do my shot — one we remembered within the 6:00-8:00 window, one we did at 9:30 (yikes!!!), and the other I realized before Hubs left for his work thing that we would be missing and we found a way to make it work.  What the heck kind of IVF patient am I!?  Until today I thought it was just a sign that I’m at peace and in a good place but, obviously, today my neuroticism and anxiety take over so I’m now certain that I’ve been pushed over the edge into the “total flake” category, hopefully only momentarily.

And what can help with that, you ask?  Why, baby animals and spa music of course!

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Today Our Dog Got Neutered

Oh, the irony of all ironies.  We dropped the little meatball off at the vet on our way to our first monitoring ultrasound of IVF.  He is back tonight and all is well, although he appears quite drunk from the anesthetics, whimpering excessively and his legs sprawling out with every attempt to sit up.

While his fertility was being compromised, we were getting a good look at my ovaries on steroids and were pleased with what we saw.  About 13 leaders ranging from 7-11 mm, and several others trailing behind, about where it should be for day 5 of stimming.  No cysts, lining looked good, and estradiol was in the 300s, so we’re staying on our course and will do it all again in two days to check in on those little pearls.  Which my doctor refers to as chocolate chips and, today, chocolate chunks.  I guess it didn’t take her long to realize cookie metaphors were what I needed to track with the medical jargon.

My week in TIBWM speak:

Monday: Today I Met Hapa!
She and Monika put the pieces together that she was in our area a few months ago and we finally made it happen to celebrate Hapa’s pregnancy.  She had her first ultrasound yesterday and got to see the heartbeat!  So exciting.  I think she was the first blog I followed so I’ve been rooting for her for a long time, and meeting her only further confirmed that she is a fabulous woman who would make a great mother.  Go Baby Hapa!

Tuesday: Today I Know the Meds are Working
As I was driving home from class I suddenly felt a pang in the ovaries and was kept awake that night by that pressure and a pretty rough headache.  I caved and took Aleve and finally went to sleep, but the headache is getting harder to fight each day since.  In my RE’s words today, I have hopped aboard the hormone roller coaster.  Acupuncture today provided some relief and I continue to find it fascinating how complex our bodies are.  Working on a point in the leg can address throbbing in the temple, how wild is that?

Wednesday: Today I Turned 31!
We were on our way to dinner and realized we’d forgotten to do our nightly injection and had to run back home.  I take it as a good sign (albeit a little concerning) that we forgot about IVF for a few moments in the midst of celebrating.  Also, as I opened my card from my husband I read that he had addressed it to my name and “Team Pearl,” causing me to cry and struggle to compose myself.  Further evidence that the meds had kicked in and that I have the best husband ever.

And now, today.  We’re primarily feeling hopeful and excited, save the headaches.  We have a host of people in this with us and it is palpable.  I feel at peace and attribute that to their prayers and support.  The meals friends have brought have been an enormous help as we juggle work, appointments, scheduling injections, and real life.  I can’t begin to describe the peace and comfort their support and presence bring us.

When we had our first IUI the doctor told us about a study in Israel where pregnancy rates were higher in patients who watched a clown performance post-IUI than those who did not.  She encouraged us to find something funny to entertain ourselves with for the wait after, and today’s video is one we watched for at least one of our IUIs, maybe more.  In honor of the pup’s anesthesia and mine upcoming, one of my top five youtube videos to share with you:

And I’m off to the pet store to buy a cone!

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Today Commences My Leggings-a-thon

We did it folks.  First injection!  (100 IU Follistim, 75 Menopur.)  Our amazing friend Monika came over to walk Hubs through it and they both did wonderfully.  Monika is a newer friend who has adopted me as her IVF friend after she saw the process through for our mutual friend Laura (referenced in my last post).  She is the sweetest and so generous with her time and listening and baking skills just because she wants to offer support and because she is addicted to hope.  She is the epitome of how to be a good friend to an infertile person (maybe I’ll have her write a guest post on the topic sometime.  You up for that, Mon?).

I used to be nervous about the injections but thankfully I’ve gotten over that-ish and now I’m just really eager for our first monitoring visit later this week.  I know the next few days I’m going to be thinking, “What is going on in there?”  I’m feeling good about it all and ready to get this show on the road after all of the waiting and preparing.  I’m sure there will be many emotions and not all so optimistic, but I’ll take the good cheer for now.

Speaking of good cheer, leggings are my comfort clothing and what I plan to unapologetically don for the duration of stimming as my ovaries progress from almond-sized to peach-sized (according to the nurse at our training last week).  Except for going to work, which I think is lame that I have to continue doing, but, whatever.  Yesterday was Hubs’ birthday and so I wore my tightest pants possible out for our night on the town with our buddies, bidding them farewell for the next couple weeks as we welcome the peaches.  And hopefully for longer if this all works out.

I’m going to try to blog daily-ish through IVF with brief updates, and they probably won’t be very profound, I’m just accepting that now.  But I think it’s worth chronicling a bit of what a couple experiences in this process.  I’ve also decided to include in each post some form of hilarity procured from the internet because of its power to help me step back from IVF tunnel vision.  Feel free to share any that you love in the comments section; that would make me really happy.

Happy Lenten season!: 

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