Today I Put the Iron in the Pantry

I am losing my mind people.  Had an appointment this morning and here’s the message I sent to a couple of my pals after:

Hey my IF expert friends,

So I’m officially neurotic and jacked up on hormones.  Appointment this morning went…I don’t know.  I’m attaching a screen shot of the u/s results from today and last Saturday but I’m just feeling paranoid that they aren’t good enough — haven’t grown enough since Saturday, aren’t big enough, not enough of them, not enough of them big enough.
 
I joked with [Hubs] that maybe I’m trying to be an ovaryachiever (get it?) but honestly I’m having trouble discerning whether that’s the case or it really doesn’t look that fantastic.  I realize it doesn’t look bad per se but, I don’t know, maybe the paranoia and pressure of it all is just setting in.
 
I’m waiting to hear about my estradiol and progesterone but for now we’re slated for another u/s Wednesday morning, tentative retrieval Friday.  That could change to an u/s tomorrow for another look to schedule retrieval Thursday or Friday.  Meds are all staying the same.
 
Any thoughts?  Am I doomed for two eggs at retrieval, only 80% of which will be mature?  Do I need to be talked off the ledge?
 
Thanks,
your needy neurotic pal

They both did, in fact, write and call back and talk me off the ledge and through some deep breathing, which helped.  They also both reminded me that we’re going for quality over quantity which I totally agree with, I’m just suddenly having this fear that the follicles are going to get stuck in their growth and we will only have, like, two quality and worthy of retrieving.  I really have no indication of that, it is likely my RE just wants to give them more time to grow and let them do their thing.  I was totally reading into her every word choice, tone, and facial expression, which Hubs interpreted completely differently and entirely more rationally.  I am practicing the self-talk mantra “I am doing my part” today.

Speaking of losing my mind and my little part in this all, I’ve forgotten two and a half times now to do my shot — one we remembered within the 6:00-8:00 window, one we did at 9:30 (yikes!!!), and the other I realized before Hubs left for his work thing that we would be missing and we found a way to make it work.  What the heck kind of IVF patient am I!?  Until today I thought it was just a sign that I’m at peace and in a good place but, obviously, today my neuroticism and anxiety take over so I’m now certain that I’ve been pushed over the edge into the “total flake” category, hopefully only momentarily.

And what can help with that, you ask?  Why, baby animals and spa music of course!

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3 thoughts on “Today I Put the Iron in the Pantry

  1. elaaisa says:

    Easy for me to say since I’m not in the middle of monitoring but BREATHE! 😉

  2. Laura says:

    You got this friend. You are doing it. You’re body is doing it. You are strong. Quality, quality quality.
    i love you.

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