I’m beginning to worry that my readers are on to my all-too-frequent trips to Target and/or obsession with beverages. If I can no longer hide it, then I might as well share this story with you.
I have scoured the dairy section for pumpkin spice creamer at different groceries no less than eight times the past month but with no success. I started to feel cheated and deprived (melodrama? I don’t think so.). As usual the Target trip to pick up my prescriptions felt like a bummer at the end of a long workday, not to mention the disappointing reminder of getting started on these meds yet again. I did my routine drive-by in the grocery, couldn’t even find it listed on the shelf labels, and began to walk away, only a glimmer of orange happiness caught my eye. In the middle of the jumbo creamers — there it was — one solitary pumpkin spice lovely, all alone and reaching for my buggy (yes, I’m from the south). This totally made my day and gave me a chuckle that it seemed like a single bottle had been placed there just for me. Now, don’t worry, I don’t think God sent down a creamer fairy (I suppose angel would be more theologically correct if we weren’t, in fact, talking about coffee creamer), but it did make me think about how He does love to show up and provide for us and make Himself known.
We stayed with some friends this weekend as we traveled out of state for a wedding and went to church with them. Their pastor preached on Genesis 16 about Sarah and Hagar. Seeing this in the bulletin triggered a fight or flight response but I thought about social acceptability and took a breath and managed to stay put in the pew. I was surprised when he pulled from this passage that: God sees, God hears, and God speaks. Verse 13, Hagar speaking, especially resonated with me, “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.'” This is a message God has been — quite literally — speaking to me the past couple weeks, and yet again in this church miles away.
My last story. I’m in church a couple weeks ago and a woman I have chatted with a couple times and who is known for her amazing prayer life pulled me aside. She said to me, “I know I don’t know you very well, but I wanted you to know I couldn’t stop thinking about you last weekend. You just kept coming to mind and so I kept praying for you. I felt like I should tell you that God hears and that He remembers you.” Needless to say I was enormously moved to hear that. It felt like God offering me some assurance in response to all of my questions and grief lately.
Her comments nor her prayers made my pain or confusion go away, but it was a gift in the form of a reminder that He does hear and care and that He is present in this. As I continually beg Him to provide in the way of a child and finances to somehow make it all possible, I’m also beginning to think of His very hearing, His very seeing, His very being there and reminding us of that as the provision itself.