It’s hard to describe how much energy, time, money, thought, emotion, etc. infertility steals from you, so I worry that people don’t understand my not being able to do things I normally would. I worry that people might think I’m obsessed with this and it’s all I think about, or that I should just toughen up and get it together, or maybe they just don’t realize what a toll it takes. It’s a low-grade, always there pain at best, but of course there also are the really hard days, then there’s the time to make appointments, research treatments, process options, go to appointments, reschedule all the things you had planned for that time already, track down and pick up prescriptions, talk with your partner about decisions, and if you’re lucky, find time to let yourself feel what you’re feeling. That’s a lousy description of it, but it’s the best I can do for now.
This post, from an infertility blog by a therapist, is so relevant to the way I’m beginning to think of things. Working to conceive is part of my job right now and so it deserves and needs corresponding time and attention, and even to be a priority over other things I feel like I “should” be doing. The last thing I want is to look back on treatments one day and wish I would have devoted more to them.
Love this validation today, and willing to half-a&% it for a while.