If this blog would have been going three months ago, I would have had a post entitled “Today We Bought A Puppy.” This was something we had talked about doing for a couple years but had continued to put off, thinking we could get pregnant any day and if we did then we would essentially have two infants at the same time. Everyone warns you how much work puppies are. But I continued to find myself feeling like there were just so many “no’s” and so much emptiness, I realized I wanted something living and breathing and life-giving in our house.
Worn down by the occasional “I just need a baby something” spoken to Hubs, we broke down and bought a puppy. A really freaking adorable puppy. And it really hasn’t been all that hard. I’m so glad we did it for a million reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I feel so much love for our fluff muppet that I can’t imagine what we’ll one day feel for a child. I fully acknowledge that he is not a child, but that he is my stand-in child for now, and I don’t feel a bit bad about it. One thing we say in my line of work is that knowing why you’re doing what you do is most of the battle.
Another of the top reasons it was the best idea ever to add this supposed stress in an already stressful time is that our puppy is really hilarious to watch. So tonight I had the night to myself at home (missed you, honey, but ahhhhhh) and I was enjoying a quiet evening of cleaning up, doing dishes, etc.. Per my puppy training books I had switched out Muppet’s toys for his other set, much like my sister does with her kiddos, and I observed from the kitchen as he pulled them out, one by one. Playing with them, squeaking them, attacking err jumping on them, putting them back in his toy bin (sometimes), picking another. It was such a joy to watch him delight in them, and I was filled with gratitude. For this moment and for him and for the joy itself.
So all of that to say: one) pet therapy was a totally legit idea and it’s working, and two) I hypothesize that it primed me for the rest of the evening. I’m sitting there watching the speeches, Muppet is providing his commentary on the Montana governor’s strange regional proverbs, and before you know it in walks Hubs to find me crying on the sofa watching the DNC.
Maybe it was the sweet first generation college student from Miami, or maybe it was the estrogen patches. Okay, it likely was 90% estrogen patches. But it also was the lightness and thankfulness and hope I was feeling. Not about our nation’s future or any politician’s promises, but the myriad ways I’ve felt supported and loved and cared for over these several months.
Like my church handling Mother’s Day so sensitively. My coworker Laura’s note on my desk yesterday reminding me I was one week down and one to go. Being able to be open with our friends about how we’re really doing, the emails that continually fill my inbox saying they are thinking of me, notes of Scripture reminding me that God delights in being good to us. My boss and other colleague’s excitement about our IUI and support of me adjusting my schedule as I need to. Seeing little financial things work out without me doing a thing. Reading through the Psalms and feeling like God is speaking directly to me. Hearing my husband and the muppet playing in the other room and laughing (well at least one of them).
So today these are happy tears, thanks in part to the extra estrogen that’s a-flowing. Today I am grateful.