Today I’m Having Auditory Fertility Hallucinations

Today I’m having AFHs, Auditory Fertility Hallucinations.

In case you are unaware of this malady, let me explain.  AFHs are a symptom frequently present in emotionally drained women trying to conceive, wherein she leaves Target and, whilst listening to music on her way back to work, she believes songs to be about fertility which others do not perceive as such.  I was listening to Kajagoogoo’s “Too Shy” (what a classic) and suddenly realized they’re talking about the deep dark secrets and embarrassment people hold about fertility-related procedures!  How have I never noticed this before?

Take a listen yourself, and please please also enjoy the hair and wardrobe brilliance.

Hey girl, move a little closer!  Too shy shy, hush hush IUI.  This song clearly is about a girl who becomes nervous upon entering the IUI room, undressing from the waist down, draping the sheet and awaiting the arrival of the medical entourage.  She suddenly realizes just how awkward it all is and attempts to distract herself by watching the screen saver pictures change and rereading the “Call, Don’t Fall” sign.  Kajagoogoo, thank you for bringing attention to these sensitive issues!  You were so ahead of your time!  (And this is me not commenting on the “move a little closer” (to the edge of the table) line.)

While we’re at it, can we take a moment to talk about Target?  Why the maternity-section-to-your-left, baby-section-to-your-right gauntlet one must endure to reach the shoes?  Don’t you know, dear Target, that infertile women overshop for cheap shoes to numb their no baby registry pain?  We’re an important demographic too!  And then there is the inundation of cute pregnant women ever-y-where.  I just want to buy my avocados in peace, without constant reminders of what I don’t have.  I’m beginning to understand that this store (not to mention the farmer’s market and Whole Foods) is a universal trigger source for the infertile woman, which makes me feel less crazy.

Additionally, I was so comforted yesterday to learn that there is an explanation to all the pregnant bellies there!  I started following this wonderful blog just yesterday, called Hapa Hopes and loved her take on Target — Does Target Have a Birthing Center?  I should have guessed it myself.  Interestingly, this brilliant woman’s theory was proven at my trip today!  

Aha!  Gotcha Target!  So much more to say on the topic, i.e. I could do about three “Today I Cried at Target” posts, but that will be all for now.  My apologies to the three cars who I angered slowing down to take these poor-quality photos out my car window this morning.

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One thought on “Today I’m Having Auditory Fertility Hallucinations

  1. laura says:

    yup, it’s all so true and i loved the video. You have to go to target after 8pm when the kiddos are sleeping and prego women are too tired to be shopping. Well that’s when I go anyways. And what helps me is when I see pregnant women, I think that they went through 5 IVF to get that pregnancy 🙂 it helps me not be so angry. i love you dear!

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